The Electronic Entertainment Expo has long been a favored tradition among the more “core” gamers. Since 2007, the show has been invite only (where else it was pretty open before then), but, so far, it’s still used by many video game developers to show off their upcoming games and game-related hardware. The 2008 event was a bit of a crap-fest, but, in addition to some of the first party titles, there were also some third party games we were hoping to hear from that didn’t make an appearance at this year’s event.

And thus begins this week’s Top Ten.

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10. Beyond Good and Evil 2

The first title was a Zelda clone with a Sci-Fi setting, featuring a female protagonist that, surprisingly, wasn’t sexualized and ended on something of a cliffhanger. The game received quite a bit of critical praise but ultimately didn’t sell very well.

The game has since gathered a bit of a cult following and fans have been hopeful that eventually we would see a sequel.

Luckily, a sequel was announced by Ubisoft back in May (along with a teaser trailer) but was surprisingly absent from this year’s event.

Bummer.

9. The Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena

Chornicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay will always have a place among FPS fans as being one of the best video-game-to-film adaptations ever. In many ways, it’s far better than the films it’s based on and introduced a few innovative features to the genre.

There were problems making it backwards compatible with the 360, so the developers decided “Fuck it, we’ll start over from scratch.” Unfortunately, this game was also absent.

8. Brutal Legend

From the mind of Tim Schafer (creater of Secret of Monkey Island and Full Throttle), Brutal Legend is an action adventure game with a Heavy Metal theme, featuring the voices if Jack Black and a soundtrack featuring talent such as Judas Priest and Black Sabbath. We were hoping to hear more at this year’s event but it looks like we’ll have to wait…

7. Half Life 2: Episode 3

Valve announced earlier this year that they wouldn’t be attending this year’s E3, but it’s still disappointing that we didn’t get a glimpse of the final chapter in the Half Life 2 saga. Portal 2 was also a no-show this year, but the game is still early in development.

6. New Indiana Jones Game

A new action/adventure game based on Indiana Jones was announced some time ago along with The Force Unleashed, but we haven’t heard anything since. Force Unleashed made an appearance, but the way things are turning out for the new Indy title, we might as well write it off as vaporware (Duke Nukem Forever anybody?).

5. WipEout HD

WipEout has always been one of my favorite racing games. It’s basically F-Zero meets Mario Kart. I was wondering why we didn’t see a demonstration at E3 but then this article appeared on Joystiq.

Y’know, I’ve watched some of the videos for this… and… uh…

*falls out of his chair foaming at the mouth*

4. Kid Icarus Wii

You don’t need me to tell you that Nintendo’s press release was a disaster, but it’s still surprising that we didn’t AT LEAST hear about the long rumored re-imagining of Kid Icarus. Fans have been begging for a sequel for years and the closest we’ve ever gotten is Pit’s appearance in Brawl.

3. New Super Mario Title

Sorry, Mario, but you’re Princess is another castle…

Goddamnit…

2. New Legend of Zelda Title

They could have at least given us SOMETHING. It’s nice to know that it’s being worked on but, damnit, give us concept art, a teaser, ANYTHING!

1. Duke Nukem Forever

Not that any of us expected it to be there in the first place but that’s what the “game” is notorious for.

Over ten years in development and the company has almost nothing to show for it. After a very brief teaser trailer earlier this year, as well as half-assed reassurance that the game was “under serious development,” Scott Miller had this to say about DNF’s absence at this year’s event.

“It’s just that we view E3 as irrelevant nowadays. In fact, I wasn’t even aware it was coming up.”

Pot, meet Kettle. Kettle, meet Pot.

Duke Nukem Forever has become the ass end of so many jokes, I feel guilty just mentioning it. It’s the video game equivalent of making fun of the Amish: anybody can do it. Hell, even No More Heroes took a stab at DNF.

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ZOMG SPOILERZ!!!

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*ahem*

Fanboys.

The term alone is enough to make most gamers roll their eyes in disgust.

Yes, it’s perfectly understandable that people support the things they enjoy in the industry, but some people develop such an obsessive loyalty towards a certain franchise/console/developer that it borders on insanity.

Case in point, this dumbass.

Of course, the story in question could very well be fake. That particular mental illness is a running gag among the forum goons at Something Awful. But the sad part about it is that Fanboy behavior is, most of the time, so extreme that that particular post seems almost plausible.

Need an example? Since we’re talking about Final Fantasy in this case, go to any FF fansite and start a forum topic stating that you think Final Fantasy VIII is the best game in the series and see what kind of a response you get.

Did you get flamed? Well, then there you go.

To put things into some kind of perspective, most gamers that troll the intertwebz are young kids who’s parents make only a decent amount of money. Therefore, chances are they aren’t going to own all three of the major consoles at one time. They’re going to have to settle for a Playstation 3, an Xbox 360 or a Nintendo Wii. As a result, they will vehemently defend their position among the other kids who think they’re console is so cool and point out all of the pros of their platform of choice.

One of the arguments that the Sony fanboys hold against the 360 owners, in terms of available titles, is that they will always have way better exclusive JRPG titles then the 360 guys ever will. And the franchise that dominates the hell out of all other JRPGs is, of course, FINAL FANTASY. So you can imagine the sort of impact it had on these guys when they found out at this year’s E3 that their cherished exclusive title suddenly became not so exclusive anymore.

It’s this sort of schoolyard bullshit that I don’t miss. Though I must say I liked it better when it was just down to Mario and Sonic.

I will admit that there are certain developers and franchises that I am a fan of. I put my faith in them but I’m hardly what most would consider a rabid fanboy. Yes, I love the hell out of Nintendo but that didn’t stop me from getting a Playstation; a console that I have more games for than my PS2 and Gamecube libraries combined. And as much I love Sony, I’m too pissed off at the PS3’s price as well some of the decisions on Sony’s part that I’m settling for a 360 instead (at least, until God of War III comes out).

The ironic thing about all of this is that Final Fantasy was, for the first six entries in the series, a Nintendo exclusive franchise. By that logic, you think the idiot in question would have killed himself because of the series’ shift from Nintendo to Sony after Final Fantasy VI (one of the biggest holes in his argument). Plus, it’s not as if the game still won’t be available for PS3. I fail to see how a particular franchise going from an exclusive to becoming multi-platform could possibly ruin anyone’s life.

There are so many great titles for all of the major platforms at the moment that I don’t see the point in all this bickering. But, then again, I have my own place and work two jobs. Unlike most of the people on the GameFAQs boards who, if not teenagers, probably still live with their mom.

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While the “major” announcements of the THE BIG THREE may not have been all we hoped for, that isn’t to say their weren’t any decent third party titles on the show room floor (hell Konami, Capcom and High Voltage did a better job at representing the Wii than the Big N did).

Castlevania Judgment

I was a bit skeptical at first about the idea of a Castlevania fighting game, but the footage of the same game actually looks pretty good. Only four playable characters have been revealed so far: Simon Belmont, Alucard, Maria Renard and, of course, Dracula himself.

The gameplay looks very different from most fighting games. Of course, it includes many of the iconic elements of the series; such as those whatthefuck heartz and chances are we’ll here some variation (remix) of this song in there.

Megaman 9

What can I say? It’s old school Megaman. And, in my opinion, that’s the best kind of Megaman. Well, except Megaman Legends. BTW, Inafune, we ever gonna get a sequel to that?

Mirror’s Edge

Oh, hey! It’s that innovative FPS I won’t shut the fuck up about!

Seriously, it’s shaping up to look pretty good and the news that it isn’t a PS3 exclusive (unlike what I had originally heard) adds a plus one to my decision to get 360. I’d prefer to play this on PC but I seriously doubt my computer would even run it. Hopefully, the console version will have some kind of keyboard/mouse support.

The Conduit

Probably the best looking Wii game ever and a welcome addition among the constant wave of crap titles that plague the console. High Voltage is being pretty ambitious with this title, especially considering that the Wii is considered a more “casual friendly” console than the others. Hell, some publishers have even questioned why they’re making a title like this in the first place.

Um, gee. Maybe because not all of us are interested in party/mini-games and would rather blow the heads off of some fucking Aliens. Y’know, the sort of thing most of us who bought the Wii were expecting to do in the first place.

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Tomorrow’s Top Ten will be the “no shows” of E3. Some good titles were shown off but there are still some games that were missing in action at the event. And no, I’m not talking about Duke Nukem Forever.

Speaking of, check this out.

Best game of E3 without a doubt. It’s so fucking bad-ass, they couldn’t even show any of the actual game. It’s that good.

(honestly, I shouldn’t even have to tell you that I’m being sarcastic)

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Another bit from Kotaku, a darker and grittier Mortal Kombat VIII was apparently scrapped in favor of the new Mortal Kombat VS DC Universe.

“At last year’s Midway Gamers Day, Mortal Kombat co-creator and series overlord Ed Boon talked up the then-unnamed eighth entry in the franchise. Boon described Mortal Kombat 8 at the time as “very dark, serious” and “gritty” take on the series, a back to basics reboot that was free of “vibrant, saturated colors.” It was said to be heavily inspired by the look of Gears of War.”

Yes, because if there is anything that games could use more of it’s drab brown post-apocalyptic/World War III settings. Thank God MK8 never made it past the planning phase.

A note to all game developers: Color is your friend!

Seriously, ask Blizzard and then check out Diablo III.

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Mystery blogger fucks up Sony pre-E3 press rehearsal because he’s a dumb shit

Kotaku has reported that a unnamed blogger was reporting on Sony’s E3 press announcements during a rehearsal prior to the event.

“Shrine auditorium security grabbed an overly eager blogger from his third-floor balcony perch during a recent Sony E3 press conference dress rehearsal, SCEA head Jack Tretton said.

Sony was working their way through a dry run of the upcoming Playstation press conference when someone noticed that what they were saying and doing was showing up on an unnamed site.

“Everything we were saying was getting posted within 15 minutes on the Internet,” Tretton said.”

Congratulations, Mr. unnamed Blogger. Instead of waiting a few hours for the official announcements, you leaked early info on absolutely nothing.

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Galaga Legions

And here, we have the first ever footage of the first true sequel to Galaga, Galaga Legions!

Nintendo’s 2008 E3 Developer Roundtable

Nintendo’s E3 press event can pretty much be summed up by this picture…

However, Shigeru Miyamoto (i.e. GOD HIMSELF) has announced that they are working on a new Pikmin title. I, personally, haven’t played any of the Pikmin games myself but it’s nice to hear that they’re making a sequel to one of their most popular franchises.

Still, where’s the new the Mario and Zelda, DAMNIT!?

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Well, the press events for The Big Three were pretty disappointing. Microsoft showed absolutely nothing of interest, Sony’s God of War III announcement was just one big tease and Nintendo finally unveiled… Animal Crossing: City Folk.

That’s it. No new Mario and no new Zelda.

That’s bullshit.

So I guess all there is to look forward to now is the all the third party software being displayed and that’s easily ten times more interesting than anything the Big Three pulled out their asses this week.

On with the trailers!

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Ghostbusters: The Video Game

Who ya gonna call!?

New Prince Of Persia Title

Now with 99% less angst!

Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved 2

Asteroids on Acid returns!

God Of War III

Stupid teaser…

Animal Crossing: City Folk

Well, at least I know what I’m getting my family for Christmas.

Street Fighter IV

I’m totally digging this art style.

Resident Evil 5

As expected, the real villains in this game are apparently a bunch of white guys.

Sonic Unleashed

I don’t know what’s more bizarre: Sonic as a werewolf or that this game actually looks good.

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Due to E3, I’ll have to postpone my usual schedule to next week. There will MOST DEFINITELY BE a Bite-Sized Story Time as well as a Top Ten Tuesday this coming week and there will also be a post-E3 F-Bomb this Friday.

More E3 updates later.

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So I had this really big update planned yesterday, but my power went out as the result of a thunderstorm and my internet connection wasn’t restored until sometime after midnight.

Expect massive hella-updates today. A lot has happened on the E3 front with still more to come.

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Mirror’s Edge E3 Trailer

There is a new trailer for DICE’s Mirror’s Edge, the awesome looking FPS that almost makes me want to get a PS3.

DO WANT!

Geometry Wars Sequel!

More E3 goodness, Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved 2 is coming to Xbox Live Arcade August 6th and will support four player co-op play (but not online) plus five additional play modes. It will also contain a Two Player copilot mode where one player moves and the other shoots. Sweet.

id Sofware partners with Electronic Arts

Joystiq reports that id Software (creators of Doom and Quake) have partnered with Electronic Arts. From their post:

“Id Software creator John Carmack just announced at Electronic Arts’ press conference that it has partnered with the publisher. The Quake and Doom creator has long used Activision as a publisher, but we wonder if things got bitter after the travesty that was Quake Wars console ports. Id and EA? What a great … idea?“

See what they did there?

Final Fantasy XIII for PS3 Only in Japan, Both PS3 and 360 in US

With every E3 comes the unveiling of a new Final Fantasy game, though I wish I could say I cared at this point. I’ve been nothing but disappointed with the series since FF8 and I don’t see any reason to go back to it. In a strange move, however, it’s been announced that the latest installment in the series will only be released on the PS3 in Japan, but for both “next gen” consoles in the U.S.

Um… Okay.

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The original Portal was a triumph (I’m making a note here, huge success). Many gamers find it hard to overstate their satisfaction with the First Person Puzzler that was released last year. The spin-off to Half Life is easily one of Valve’s greatest creations and was nominated for several game of the year awards for 2007 second only to Bioshock.

Today, it was announced that Portal: Still Alive is scheduled for a fall release on Xbox Live Arcade. It will contain the original game, new levels and new achievements… and that’s no lie (cake or otherwise).

There hasn’t been any word on whether or not this be will also available for PC via Steam. Given Valve’s stance on PC’s being the ideal game platform, I would be very surprised if this didn’t get an eventual PC release. Someone should advise Gabe Newell that Developer Hell is a very real place where he will be sent at the first sign of defiance.

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XP

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So… Mega Man 9 was announced a couple of weeks ago. It’s the latest sequel to the old-school classic Mega Man games that center around the original Blue Bomber and his fight to stop the evil mad scientist, Doctor Wily and his army of killer fucking robots.

It was also revealed that the game would be created in the style of the old 8-bit NES Mega Man titles. And there was much rejoicing. For me, as well as most Nintendo fanboys all over the world, this was the only thing on the planet that could top SEX. While the last three titles in the NES era games sort of drove the series into the ground, the original three titles still hold up today as some of the greatest games ever made. When I learned that the game was going for the retro 80’s look I almost shed a tear.

Of course, it was inevitable that there would be an uproar from some gamers who are used to their games (good or bad) looking all nice and shiny. To paraphrase the majority of the comments seen on most gaming blogs “ZOMG THE GRAPHICS ARE TEH SUXX THIS GAME IS GOING TO B HORRIBL WHY W00D J00 STEP BACKWRDZ & KNOT MAK IT AT LEAST 2.5D!!!1 DIS IS JUS AN ATEMPT FOR DA CORPRATIONZ TO ROB J00 OF UR MONEEZ BI MILKIN NOSTALJIA!!eleven”

Look… I’m not going to get into a rant about how games used to exercise your imagination or how this game is going to be judged more on its gameplay than its graphics. I have better things to worry about than some dipshits on the internet who think that the game industry owes them each of their first born children. But I will say this: IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT, THEN DON’T FUCKING BUY IT! Let the rest of us fanboys who want our childhoods back have our way, too. It’s not going to have that big an impact on you anymore than the casual gaming crowd has. Get over it.

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Some of you may remember my rant from awhile back about the announcement of Mortal Kombat VS DC Universe. Skeptics have every reason to approach this particular title with caution. 3D Mortal Kombat games have a reputation for being average at best and DC Universe rarely gets any decent representation in video games. The only game I can think of off the top of my head would be Batman for the NES, but that was actually a movie tie-in. Plus, it was a Ninja Gaiden clone.

The mash-up of the two looked interesting, but my expectations were pretty low. Then I saw the latest gameplay trailer.

I see the stiff animation from MK:A is still present. Other than that, it looks like it might shape up to be a pretty decent fighter. Hopefully we’ll learn more about it at E3 this week.

Of course, there is the persistent argument from the more anal retentive gamers out there that the cross over “just doesn’t make any sense,” then turn right around and hail Marvel VS Capcom 2 as one of the greatest 2D fighting games ever made.

Crossovers aren’t anything new to either games or comics. We’ve seen Simon Belmont go up against Optimus Prime and Batman face off against the Predator. Yes, the “GET TO DA CHOPPAH!” Predator. Hell, Marvel even as far as to put the X-Men in the same room with Kirk, Spock and McCoy. So the argument that the two universes don’t quite match is kind of ridiculous. If Katamari Damacy has taught me anything it’s that games don’t have to make sense.

And don’t get me started on the “Superman would own everyone” bullshit. Anyone who says that Superman would slaughter each and everyone one of the warriors from the Kombat universe obviously isn’t familiar enough with comics. He’s been killed once already and even Batman beat the crap out of him in The Dark Knight Returns. Not that it matters. The one thing games and comics have in common is that death is just a minor inconvenience. Dracula’s been brought back God knows how many times and even Albert Wesker managed to cheat the grim reaper.

So let’s wait on passing judgment until we actually get to play the damned thing.

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Turns out that the rumored Xbox 360 price drop is true… and just in time for the release of Soul Calibur IV. Awesome. Now if I just had money…

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The time of E3 is upon us once again and obsessive gamers, like myself, will likely spend all of their time refreshing their favorite websites waiting for major announcements of old favorites and new concepts. Sony is rumored to give us the first glimpse of God of War III and Nintendo is rumored to announce Animal Crossing Wii as well as a new Kid Icarus game (and hopefully they’ll give us some kind of long term storage solution for the WiiWare games).

As usual, there is a ton of hype regarding the event and the unveiling of new projects, so expect to see some posts in the coming days on these announcements as they come.

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While looking for videos of No More Heroes for my review, I stumbled upon a series of rants from a blogger named Game Overthinker.

I fucking love this guy. He makes a damn fine point and he echoes my thoughts on modern gaming exactly. And he asks and interesting question: What the fuck happened?

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Somewhere between killing an entire baseball team and fighting an African American samurai school girl with a large platinum afro and a Japanese name, I realized that No More Heroes was destined to become an all time favorite. Suda 51 delivered big time with this game giving us an over the top, insane, satirical blood bath of epic proportions that takes a stab at both eastern and western culture. It’s a shame that hardly anyone makes titles like this anymore.

No More Heroes follows the misadventures of Travis Touchdown: a stereotypical otaku loser turned assassin armed with a “beam katana” he purchased on an internet auction. After running out of funds to support his hobby, he accepts a job from the UAA (United Assassins Association) to kill “The Drifter.” Travis becomes rank Eleven after completing his mission and, realizing he is now a target for those ranked lower than him, sets out on mission to become Number One.

Obviously, the story isn’t meant to be taken seriously, but the amount of style and humor that’s been put into this game is exactly what makes the game work so well. The plot is pretty straight forward at first but towards the end of the game, there is a twist so completely WTF that it’s worthy of an M. Night Shyamalan movie (but with no preachy moralizing and crap).

In terms of gameplay, if you’re expecting a vast open ended environment similar to GTA, this isn’t the game for you. There are some minor sandbox elements and your allowed to explore the game world, but there isn’t a whole lot to do aside from the assassination missions, the part-time jobs and the ranked battles. You can customize Travis by buying new apparel at the clothing store, Area 51, and you can build up your strength and techniques at Thunder Ryu’s gym… but the only thing really essential to progressing in the game is earning money to enter next the ranked fight.

Each ranked battle requires that Travis deposit and entry fee to the UAA via ATM. There are numerous part time jobs and side quests (minigames) you can accept for money. You can blow it on stuff like new clothes (as mentioned above), training and wrestling tapes that teach you new moves, but most of this will be spent on working your way through the ranks.

And this is where you get to the core of what No More Heroes is all about: fucking up shit with a light saber. The sandbox elements may be crap, but this is the real reason you want to play this. The combat is much more refined than the other aspects of the game and is greatly satisfying. Heads are decapitated and bodies split while you swing your beam katana around like a mad bastard with unrealistic quantities of blood spraying everywhere.

Fortunately, swinging your sword mainly consists of pressing the A button; a smart choice considering that the combat is the primary focus of No More Heroes and excessive motion controls probably would have killed the game. Thankfully, the motion controls are kept to a minimum. They’re mainly used for Travis’ wrestling moves and delivering the coup de grace with the beam katana, but they’re utilized in some of the part time jobs as well.

One of the things that seperates No More Heroes from most other games in the genre is it’s insanity driven style. The game doesn’t take itself seriously at all and it’s hard not to enjoy its over-the-top sense of humor. For example, the save points in the games are toilets and with every save you’re introduced to a censored scene of Travis taking a shit. Childish and immature, yes, but still funny.

The overall story is a satirical melodrama very reminiscent of Kill Bill and pokes a lot of fun at the usual cliches associated with games and anime. Characters will often go into drawn out monologues before each fight detailing their life story and the revelation toward the end of the game will have you watching the youtube clip repeatedly (you’ll know what I’m talking about when you beat it).

No More Heroes is far from perfect but the same could be said for just about everything else I’ve played. Anybody who claims that a game has achieved absolute perfection is most likely talking about Halo 3 and needs to seriously consider pulling their head out of their ass. If you’re one of the many Wii owners like me who got the console expecting a new way to play the games you grew up with these past few gaming generations, then you owe it to yourself to get No More Heroes as not only a reminder of why this is your console of choice, but also as to why you like games in the first place: fun.

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