Well, I would have had an on time F-Bomb yesterday but it turns out that someone in my apartment complex has been fucking with my cable box… again. I called Time Warner about it but they won’t be sending a someone out to look at it until Monday or Tuesday if I’m lucky.

I may be cut off from the Borg collective at home but, fortunately, I have access to the net at work. Work has been rather slow lately so I should have a new F-Bomb up on Monday, as well as an on-time Top Ten on Tuesday and a review of Soul Calibur IV on Wednesday.

And now for something completely different!

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Yeah, yeah, shut up… XP

Since I got Soul Calibur IV, I’ve been like a crack addict waiting for his next fix. That said, I need help. Actually, I’ve been pretty patient about this, but I’ve still got inner-child bouncing up and down going “Can we play it yet? Oh… How about now? Ok… Now! …. Now? … How about now?” So in an attempt to satisfy my video game junkie side, Soul Calibur is the focus of this weeks Top Ten.

As I said in yesterday’s Monday’s update, SC has become a tradition among my brother, sister and I. It’s a way of bonding for us, and by “bonding” I mean exchanging harsh words, choking each other with controller cords and just talking shit in general. My sister (who from this moment forth shall be referred to as Panda) lives in Ohio and has access to a 360 as well as a copy of the game. So Live is going to make the choking part a bit problematic. Although I’m sure I’ll hear plenty of Panda’s Soul Calibur mantra of “Ring Outs are bullshit.”

Our little brother (who shall now be referred to as the Wii One) unfortunately will have to wait and see if teh mommeh will get him a 360 for Christmas. At least I know what game to get him if she does.

This week’s Top Ten are my favorite characters in the series and the Top Five are the ones we have down to a fine art.

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10. Yoshimitsu

There were plenty of other characters I could have put in this slot, but Yoshimitsu gets special consideration for his unique fighting style and cool factor. The last of his clan, Yoshi lost his arm in combat and had it replaced with a working prosthetic one. In addition, he robs from the rich and gives to the poor. So he’s basically some kind of steam-punk Samurai Robin Hood.

Yoshimitsu’s fighting style is a little difficult to learn at first, but once you’ve mastered him, he can be a really fun character to use. His style has gone mostly unchanged throughout the series but his appearance is always different from game to game.

9. Ivy

Isabelle “Ivy” Valentine is a british noblewoman and the biological daughter of Cervantes: the original wielder of Soul Edge. The coolest thing about Ivy (other than her ginormous b00bz) is her weapon, the Snake Sword. It looks like your standard short sword but the majority of Ivy’s moves consist of the sword uncoiling into a whip for long range attacks.

The one thing that’s disappointing about Ivy is that her move set has never remained consistant throughout the series. Namco always toys with it and she never controls the same. Other than that, she has what is probably the most inventive weapon in the series. She also has a reputation for wearing really slutty dominatrix outfits and her already massive breasts somehow manage to get slightly larger as the series goes on. The current gen consoles may not have the processing power for Soul Calibur V if the pattern continues.

8. Taki

The only Ninja in the game and second place for biggest b00bz in the series. Taki is a demon huntress of the Fu-Ma clan and wields two ninja swords: Rekki-Maru and Mekki-Maru (Taki is also a blacksmith and forged Mekki-Maru using a shard of Soul Edge). As a ninja, she’s known for her quick, agile movements and fast strikes. She also has some exaggerated ninjutsu moves and some unblockable magic attacks.

Taki deserves a spot on the list because she’s a fucking Ninja and also a hot one. In the hands of a pro, Taki can be an incredibly cheap character, though I have seen some idiots accidentally fall out of the ring trying to pull off some of her moves.

7. Siegfried

Siegfried is the blonde pretty boy formerly known as Nightmare: the demon possessed warrior wielding Soul Edge. After regaining his free will, he escaped Soul Edge’s influence and goes on a quest to atone for his sins. Shortly afterward, the essence of Soul Edge physically manifests itself into the warrior that last wielded it and Nightmare is reborn.

The last couple of games (including Soul Calibur IV) use the conflict between Siegfried and Nightmare as the central focus of the story with Siegy wielding the “good” sword, Soul Calibur and Nightmare wielding (of course) Soul Edge.

Siegfried’s weapon of choice is a gigantic-ass sword that’s almost impossible for him pick up but he swings it around like it’s nothing. Panda doesn’t like it when I play as Siegfried (or a custom character that uses his style) because I can be really cheap with him. That and I have a reputation for stomping on my KO’d opponents when I play as him.

6. Xianghua

Xianghua used to be Panda’s favorite character but she was replaced later with likes of Talim and Seung Mina, but she still plays as her quite often. Xianghua is a dancer who uses a Chinese sword and, until the later games in the series, was the only character with a pure enough heart to wield Soul Calibur.

Every game has the “young and cute girl” archetype and Xianghua filled that role nicely until the likes of Talim and Amy came along to battle over that particular niche. She’s still one of the better and more balanced fighters in the series. In the first couple of games, she had a particular move that involved her falling to ground face down and throwing a temper tantrum, earning her the nickname Xiangwha-wha.

5. Maxi

Now we’re talking. Enter the nunchuk wielding Pirate guy with the Elvis hairdo. Maxi is a vengeful son of a bitch who pursues Astaroth, another fighter in the game who wields a giant axe and is responsible for the deaths of Maxi’s friends and crew. To avenge his crew mates, Maxi teams up with Xianghua and Kilik in their quest to destroy Soul Edge: an ancient sword that Astaroth is also seeking.

Maxi gets a bad rap because of his ridiculously button-masher friendly fighting style. It’s really easy to chain a string of attacks together with little knowledge as to what the hell it is you’re doing. That said, he’s a goddamned monster in the hands of a pro.

4. Talim

Talim is the new young and cute girl of the series and a wind priestess in training. Armed with two tonfa-like weapons called “Elbow Blades,” she seeks to destroy Soul Edge in order to protect the people of her village.

Her fighting style with those twin Elbow Blades can be summed up in a single word: CHEAP. Talim, being the tender age of 15 in the latest installment, is an agile little thing who’s movies involve a crap load of somersaults and jumps which also gives a lot of room for accidental self-Ring Outs.

“Holy cow, I’m flippin’ out like a monkey on crack here- OH SHIT! *splash*”

She may be cute and adorable, but she’ll mop the floor with your ass (assuming you can control her enough to not kill yourself).

3. Mitsurugi

Here we go. Mitsurugi is a Ronin (Samurai without a master) and the very embodiment of the term BAD-ASS. He’s a scruffy, long haired, traveling warrior with a katana and a bad attitude. Mitsurugi isn’t on any quest in favor of good or evil. He just wants one thing: to be the best damn warrior in the world. And what does the best damn warrior in the world need? Well, that would be the best damn sword in the world (gee, I wonder what it’s called).

Mitsurugi is a favorite among all of his. He’s quick, he’s strong and he talks a lot of shit. “Name’s Mitsurugi. Remember that!”

2. Kilik

My all time favorite character since the first installment. Kilik is a highly skilled martial artist from China and, according to the game’s mythology, Xiangwha-wha’s love interest. Not that anyone really cares. In a fighting game, the last thing on your mind is the story.

What makes Kilik so cool to use is his Bo Staff. It makes him worthy opponent at both close and long range, and gives him the advantage in most fights. There are those who abuse him, however, and just spam the same move over and over again giving a bad rap to those of us who actually know how to use him.

Besides, there is no greater satisfaction than taking out a big guy with a Battle Axe using nothing but a stick…

1. Seung Mina

… Unless you attach a blade at the end of the stick, in which case, you end up with Seung Mina: a young girl from Korea going through that troublesome “You’re not the boss of me!” phase and ends up running away from home to fight the good fight.

Mina started out as sort of a cross between Kilik and another character, Hwang, but she’s come into her own with more unique movesets (even if some of them are still lifted from other character’s movesets). Mina is Panda’s all time favorite character so we’ve had us quite a few Kilik VS Seung Mina battles.

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Well, today’s the day. I’m finally getting a 360 so I’ll be able to review the game that’s been sitting on my shelf for the past two weeks collecting dust. If you don’t here from me for the next few days, don’t worry. I’m planted safely in front of my TV.

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Sorry, for the lack of updates lately. I know I haven’t been making the kind of commitment to this blog that I thought I would but I promise that there will be more frequent updates from now on. There will still be a Top Ten this week as well as an on-time F-Bomb. There have been a number of post E3 happenings since my last update so yo can expect to hear my opinion on those as well.

And now, onto my entry for the evening.

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For those of you living under a rock, Soul Calibur IV was released these past couple of weeks. I’d be playing it right now, but, unfortunately I don’t own an Xbox 360. I preordered a copy of the “Premium Edition” but I won’t be able to afford the console to play it on until Wednesday.

Sure, I could have waited and got the game with the 360, but I wanted that Premium Edition, damnit! Even if the free DLC isn’t all that great, I still got a neat looking poster, a comic book and a t-shirt all packaged within a nice limited edition tin case, all of which was well worth the extra $20 I spent on it.

But anyway…

It’s kind of ironic that I would make such a big fuss over a fighting game, considering I used to really suck at them. I remember getting my ass handed to me at the arcades as a kid playing Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter II, always suffering a severe beating usually followed by my opponent ripping my head off with my spinal column in tow (as was the case with MK, at least). Usually, the aforementioned ass-beatings were by older kids who had a much better understanding than I did of the game. I was little. I had no idea what I was doing so I just mashed buttons. As I got older, however, I began to appreciate more complex games and decided to give the fighter genre another chance and it resulted in me discovering two of my favorite games ever: Super Smash Bros. and Marvel VS Capcom 2 (there is another game in this category but I’m getting to that and you probably already know what it is anyway).

It was around the time of new found love for fighting games that the Sega Dreamcast was nearing the end of it’s short-lived life cycle. I was pretty pissed at the news considering that I had just bought a new DC after my roommate’s dog chewed through controller cable and shorted it. Being a former hardcore Sega fan, I ventured on a quest to acquire as many of the console’s worth while titles as I could before they disappeared from store shelves only to be sold at outrageous prices on Ebay.

Among the many games I bought were Shenmue, Skies of Arcadia, House of the Dead 2 (packaged with a light gun) and Soul Calibur. I bought SC on impulse because I couldn’t find DOA2 no matter where I looked (I eventually settled for DOA2: Hardcore for PS2). A friend of mine spoke highly about the game so, being the trusting person I am, I decided to give the game a whirl. It’s not until you actually played it that you discovered that this was no ordinary fighting game.

Soul Calibur was a game of epic proportions and has one of the most unique takes on a fighting game ever. Taking place in the 16th centure, Soul Calibur features a diverse cast of characters from all over the globe in search of the mythical blade, Soul Edge: An ancient sword of great power that corrupts all who wield it.

For a fighting game, the story is surprisingly detailed. Each character has a detailed background and they all have their own motivations for seeking the sword. Some seek it for good, some for evil and some wish to destroy it. It’s a fantasy epic set in an era of history where some still lived and died by the sword. Samurai face off against Athenian warrior chicks and dancers with Chinese blades duke it out with an undead pirate armed with twin swords.

And if that’s not diverse enough for you, you also have the option of choosing a nunchuk wielding Elvis pirate (it’s the hair), a blind bondage freak with claws, the demon-possessed wielder of Soul Edge and a buxom British dominatrix with a sword that turns into a whip. A mother fucking whip.

And that’s what seperates Soul Calibur from other fighting games. Instead of hand to hand combat, the fighters use a variety of different weapon based fighting styles and in place of the usual techno/heavy metal music is an epic soundtrack worthy of a good fantasy flick. It’s near flawless in its presentation and it’s easy to pick up and play. So much that it ended up becoming a family activity. Well, at least among my siblings and I.

We’ve kept up with every game in the series since then and it’s usually a must play whenever we get together. It also started the sibling gaming tradition of shit talking. “Oh, you’re gonna be Talim? Alright fine, I’m gonna be Raphael. Yeah, keep spamming the same fucking move over and over. Oh, ring out. That’s bullshit.”

Just a few more days and I’ll be able to do that via Xbox Live. I look forward to laying the smackdown on you, Panda.

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Tomorrow, in an attempt to avoid going nuts over having a highly anticipated game that I can’t play for another day or so, I’ll discuss my top ten favorite characters in the series.

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The Electronic Entertainment Expo has long been a favored tradition among the more “core” gamers. Since 2007, the show has been invite only (where else it was pretty open before then), but, so far, it’s still used by many video game developers to show off their upcoming games and game-related hardware. The 2008 event was a bit of a crap-fest, but, in addition to some of the first party titles, there were also some third party games we were hoping to hear from that didn’t make an appearance at this year’s event.

And thus begins this week’s Top Ten.

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10. Beyond Good and Evil 2

The first title was a Zelda clone with a Sci-Fi setting, featuring a female protagonist that, surprisingly, wasn’t sexualized and ended on something of a cliffhanger. The game received quite a bit of critical praise but ultimately didn’t sell very well.

The game has since gathered a bit of a cult following and fans have been hopeful that eventually we would see a sequel.

Luckily, a sequel was announced by Ubisoft back in May (along with a teaser trailer) but was surprisingly absent from this year’s event.

Bummer.

9. The Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena

Chornicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay will always have a place among FPS fans as being one of the best video-game-to-film adaptations ever. In many ways, it’s far better than the films it’s based on and introduced a few innovative features to the genre.

There were problems making it backwards compatible with the 360, so the developers decided “Fuck it, we’ll start over from scratch.” Unfortunately, this game was also absent.

8. Brutal Legend

From the mind of Tim Schafer (creater of Secret of Monkey Island and Full Throttle), Brutal Legend is an action adventure game with a Heavy Metal theme, featuring the voices if Jack Black and a soundtrack featuring talent such as Judas Priest and Black Sabbath. We were hoping to hear more at this year’s event but it looks like we’ll have to wait…

7. Half Life 2: Episode 3

Valve announced earlier this year that they wouldn’t be attending this year’s E3, but it’s still disappointing that we didn’t get a glimpse of the final chapter in the Half Life 2 saga. Portal 2 was also a no-show this year, but the game is still early in development.

6. New Indiana Jones Game

A new action/adventure game based on Indiana Jones was announced some time ago along with The Force Unleashed, but we haven’t heard anything since. Force Unleashed made an appearance, but the way things are turning out for the new Indy title, we might as well write it off as vaporware (Duke Nukem Forever anybody?).

5. WipEout HD

WipEout has always been one of my favorite racing games. It’s basically F-Zero meets Mario Kart. I was wondering why we didn’t see a demonstration at E3 but then this article appeared on Joystiq.

Y’know, I’ve watched some of the videos for this… and… uh…

*falls out of his chair foaming at the mouth*

4. Kid Icarus Wii

You don’t need me to tell you that Nintendo’s press release was a disaster, but it’s still surprising that we didn’t AT LEAST hear about the long rumored re-imagining of Kid Icarus. Fans have been begging for a sequel for years and the closest we’ve ever gotten is Pit’s appearance in Brawl.

3. New Super Mario Title

Sorry, Mario, but you’re Princess is another castle…

Goddamnit…

2. New Legend of Zelda Title

They could have at least given us SOMETHING. It’s nice to know that it’s being worked on but, damnit, give us concept art, a teaser, ANYTHING!

1. Duke Nukem Forever

Not that any of us expected it to be there in the first place but that’s what the “game” is notorious for.

Over ten years in development and the company has almost nothing to show for it. After a very brief teaser trailer earlier this year, as well as half-assed reassurance that the game was “under serious development,” Scott Miller had this to say about DNF’s absence at this year’s event.

“It’s just that we view E3 as irrelevant nowadays. In fact, I wasn’t even aware it was coming up.”

Pot, meet Kettle. Kettle, meet Pot.

Duke Nukem Forever has become the ass end of so many jokes, I feel guilty just mentioning it. It’s the video game equivalent of making fun of the Amish: anybody can do it. Hell, even No More Heroes took a stab at DNF.

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ZOMG SPOILERZ!!!

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*ahem*

Fanboys.

The term alone is enough to make most gamers roll their eyes in disgust.

Yes, it’s perfectly understandable that people support the things they enjoy in the industry, but some people develop such an obsessive loyalty towards a certain franchise/console/developer that it borders on insanity.

Case in point, this dumbass.

Of course, the story in question could very well be fake. That particular mental illness is a running gag among the forum goons at Something Awful. But the sad part about it is that Fanboy behavior is, most of the time, so extreme that that particular post seems almost plausible.

Need an example? Since we’re talking about Final Fantasy in this case, go to any FF fansite and start a forum topic stating that you think Final Fantasy VIII is the best game in the series and see what kind of a response you get.

Did you get flamed? Well, then there you go.

To put things into some kind of perspective, most gamers that troll the intertwebz are young kids who’s parents make only a decent amount of money. Therefore, chances are they aren’t going to own all three of the major consoles at one time. They’re going to have to settle for a Playstation 3, an Xbox 360 or a Nintendo Wii. As a result, they will vehemently defend their position among the other kids who think they’re console is so cool and point out all of the pros of their platform of choice.

One of the arguments that the Sony fanboys hold against the 360 owners, in terms of available titles, is that they will always have way better exclusive JRPG titles then the 360 guys ever will. And the franchise that dominates the hell out of all other JRPGs is, of course, FINAL FANTASY. So you can imagine the sort of impact it had on these guys when they found out at this year’s E3 that their cherished exclusive title suddenly became not so exclusive anymore.

It’s this sort of schoolyard bullshit that I don’t miss. Though I must say I liked it better when it was just down to Mario and Sonic.

I will admit that there are certain developers and franchises that I am a fan of. I put my faith in them but I’m hardly what most would consider a rabid fanboy. Yes, I love the hell out of Nintendo but that didn’t stop me from getting a Playstation; a console that I have more games for than my PS2 and Gamecube libraries combined. And as much I love Sony, I’m too pissed off at the PS3’s price as well some of the decisions on Sony’s part that I’m settling for a 360 instead (at least, until God of War III comes out).

The ironic thing about all of this is that Final Fantasy was, for the first six entries in the series, a Nintendo exclusive franchise. By that logic, you think the idiot in question would have killed himself because of the series’ shift from Nintendo to Sony after Final Fantasy VI (one of the biggest holes in his argument). Plus, it’s not as if the game still won’t be available for PS3. I fail to see how a particular franchise going from an exclusive to becoming multi-platform could possibly ruin anyone’s life.

There are so many great titles for all of the major platforms at the moment that I don’t see the point in all this bickering. But, then again, I have my own place and work two jobs. Unlike most of the people on the GameFAQs boards who, if not teenagers, probably still live with their mom.

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While the “major” announcements of the THE BIG THREE may not have been all we hoped for, that isn’t to say their weren’t any decent third party titles on the show room floor (hell Konami, Capcom and High Voltage did a better job at representing the Wii than the Big N did).

Castlevania Judgment

I was a bit skeptical at first about the idea of a Castlevania fighting game, but the footage of the same game actually looks pretty good. Only four playable characters have been revealed so far: Simon Belmont, Alucard, Maria Renard and, of course, Dracula himself.

The gameplay looks very different from most fighting games. Of course, it includes many of the iconic elements of the series; such as those whatthefuck heartz and chances are we’ll here some variation (remix) of this song in there.

Megaman 9

What can I say? It’s old school Megaman. And, in my opinion, that’s the best kind of Megaman. Well, except Megaman Legends. BTW, Inafune, we ever gonna get a sequel to that?

Mirror’s Edge

Oh, hey! It’s that innovative FPS I won’t shut the fuck up about!

Seriously, it’s shaping up to look pretty good and the news that it isn’t a PS3 exclusive (unlike what I had originally heard) adds a plus one to my decision to get 360. I’d prefer to play this on PC but I seriously doubt my computer would even run it. Hopefully, the console version will have some kind of keyboard/mouse support.

The Conduit

Probably the best looking Wii game ever and a welcome addition among the constant wave of crap titles that plague the console. High Voltage is being pretty ambitious with this title, especially considering that the Wii is considered a more “casual friendly” console than the others. Hell, some publishers have even questioned why they’re making a title like this in the first place.

Um, gee. Maybe because not all of us are interested in party/mini-games and would rather blow the heads off of some fucking Aliens. Y’know, the sort of thing most of us who bought the Wii were expecting to do in the first place.

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Tomorrow’s Top Ten will be the “no shows” of E3. Some good titles were shown off but there are still some games that were missing in action at the event. And no, I’m not talking about Duke Nukem Forever.

Speaking of, check this out.

Best game of E3 without a doubt. It’s so fucking bad-ass, they couldn’t even show any of the actual game. It’s that good.

(honestly, I shouldn’t even have to tell you that I’m being sarcastic)

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Another bit from Kotaku, a darker and grittier Mortal Kombat VIII was apparently scrapped in favor of the new Mortal Kombat VS DC Universe.

“At last year’s Midway Gamers Day, Mortal Kombat co-creator and series overlord Ed Boon talked up the then-unnamed eighth entry in the franchise. Boon described Mortal Kombat 8 at the time as “very dark, serious” and “gritty” take on the series, a back to basics reboot that was free of “vibrant, saturated colors.” It was said to be heavily inspired by the look of Gears of War.”

Yes, because if there is anything that games could use more of it’s drab brown post-apocalyptic/World War III settings. Thank God MK8 never made it past the planning phase.

A note to all game developers: Color is your friend!

Seriously, ask Blizzard and then check out Diablo III.

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Mystery blogger fucks up Sony pre-E3 press rehearsal because he’s a dumb shit

Kotaku has reported that a unnamed blogger was reporting on Sony’s E3 press announcements during a rehearsal prior to the event.

“Shrine auditorium security grabbed an overly eager blogger from his third-floor balcony perch during a recent Sony E3 press conference dress rehearsal, SCEA head Jack Tretton said.

Sony was working their way through a dry run of the upcoming Playstation press conference when someone noticed that what they were saying and doing was showing up on an unnamed site.

“Everything we were saying was getting posted within 15 minutes on the Internet,” Tretton said.”

Congratulations, Mr. unnamed Blogger. Instead of waiting a few hours for the official announcements, you leaked early info on absolutely nothing.

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Galaga Legions

And here, we have the first ever footage of the first true sequel to Galaga, Galaga Legions!

Nintendo’s 2008 E3 Developer Roundtable

Nintendo’s E3 press event can pretty much be summed up by this picture…

However, Shigeru Miyamoto (i.e. GOD HIMSELF) has announced that they are working on a new Pikmin title. I, personally, haven’t played any of the Pikmin games myself but it’s nice to hear that they’re making a sequel to one of their most popular franchises.

Still, where’s the new the Mario and Zelda, DAMNIT!?

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Well, the press events for The Big Three were pretty disappointing. Microsoft showed absolutely nothing of interest, Sony’s God of War III announcement was just one big tease and Nintendo finally unveiled… Animal Crossing: City Folk.

That’s it. No new Mario and no new Zelda.

That’s bullshit.

So I guess all there is to look forward to now is the all the third party software being displayed and that’s easily ten times more interesting than anything the Big Three pulled out their asses this week.

On with the trailers!

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Ghostbusters: The Video Game

Who ya gonna call!?

New Prince Of Persia Title

Now with 99% less angst!

Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved 2

Asteroids on Acid returns!

God Of War III

Stupid teaser…

Animal Crossing: City Folk

Well, at least I know what I’m getting my family for Christmas.

Street Fighter IV

I’m totally digging this art style.

Resident Evil 5

As expected, the real villains in this game are apparently a bunch of white guys.

Sonic Unleashed

I don’t know what’s more bizarre: Sonic as a werewolf or that this game actually looks good.

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Due to E3, I’ll have to postpone my usual schedule to next week. There will MOST DEFINITELY BE a Bite-Sized Story Time as well as a Top Ten Tuesday this coming week and there will also be a post-E3 F-Bomb this Friday.

More E3 updates later.

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So I had this really big update planned yesterday, but my power went out as the result of a thunderstorm and my internet connection wasn’t restored until sometime after midnight.

Expect massive hella-updates today. A lot has happened on the E3 front with still more to come.

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